Some people were not made to fit in a box.

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Oh sweet Beth. This child makes me crazy. I know God has a plan for everyone, but what kind of plan involves the girl that can’t talk to you without walking in a circle? What can He do with the child that randomly makes “alarm” noises in a pitch that hurts your face and you want to rip your ears off to make it stop? What plan involves the child that randomly says “blah” with her tongue hanging out or burps the answers to your questions? She  doesn’t eat like normal people. She will put a stick of butter on a piece of bacon or a cup of honey on her dinner, cause eating most things normal make her gag and sometimes throw up. I’m her mom. I see the beautiful underneath the crazy. I adore her. Most of her quirks melt my heart and I hope she never changes. I love to listen to her talk. Her way a thinking amazes me. My husband and I smile at each other as we fall more in love with this child as she explains some new idea she has. We home school her cause it is easier to roll with in rather than hand her over to teachers and kids that say really mean things. Some of the things kids have said or done to her just break my heart. This past week has been rough. We started going to a new church, new kids that don’t know what to do with her. As the little girls were leaving they told their parents “that little girl is weird. she makes weird noises” Her brother was so embarrassed by her behavior, he said he didn’t want to show his face there again. Then at Awana I was told she would be moved to a different teacher. I know that normally this teacher takes the more difficult kids. Her last teacher didn’t know how to handle her. So, I’ve been stressing over this big world that she has to face without me always by her side. No one to say “Just hang in there. Give her a chance. She is going to say something great”. I won’t be there to interpret what she was really asking when it seemed she was arguing and bordering on disrespect. The kid can’t not question authority. Knowing when to question and when to give someone the benefit of the doubt and obey are all grey areas to her. Even when people are kind to her there are times their body language gives them away. It can be difficult even with the best of intentions to be patient with someone who will not comply with the most basic request. I’ve worried about her a lot for a few days. wondering “Lord you created her like this. What in the world did you do that for? The world will be so cruel to her. They will break her heart.” I’m always trying to make her normal and then my God came in and knocked me down yesterday. I have mentioned she loves lighthouses. She has seen almost all of the ones in Florida. The last lighthouses on her list are privately owned and Cape Canaveral. Well a couple of weeks ago, God moved someone to reach out and contact the person that owns the privately owned one and he arranged for us to visit. I was so grateful and I mentioned that while we were up that way we wanted to try to see a couple lighthouses that are closed. Yesterday I got an email. The man contacted the president of the historical society and she said that she wants to be there when Beth gets there and open the door for her to climb the one that just recently closed to the public. She will let Beth climb and then she asked if it were OK if the newspaper came out to take her picture. They want a story run on Beth. Please Lord, don’t let her burp the answers to their questions. God poured out His blessings on his girl that had such a hard week being excepted. People may not always get her, but the God of the universe adores her and puts her on display. She throws me out of my comfort zone constantly. Although I admire people that stand out and are different, that arena scares me. I don’t like to rock the boat. God made her weird and when I try so desperately to make my child fit a mold that makes people comfortable and happy, God takes her quirky self, gives her a spot light and tells her to shine. So all you weirdies and freaks out there, let your freak flags fly, cause God made you His masterpiece. The world and well meaning parents may try to change you, but He loves you, not in spite of who you are but because of who you are. This is a pretty long post. My daughter could burp the whole thing. I would turn red and maybe cry. God would probably give her a microphone.

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This is my girl, eating a lighthouse.

3 thoughts on “Some people were not made to fit in a box.

  1. I love this post and plan on sharing with some friends who also have kids who don’t fit in a box.. thanks for sharing

  2. I guess my child must be one of those stone cold weirdoes too! Because she loves Beth and never saw the weirdness in her….odd. But some how always felt a need for sisterly protection towards her. She is a beautiful unique child and she is awesome

  3. I don’t know Beth, I already feel like I love her imperfect perfection. We are all our own perfect and should never try compare or contrast ourselves to anybody else’s ideal of what defines perfection. I wonder if Beth is aware or bothered by the whispers or side glances? If not, I would say let her be free and fly HER own course.
    I could help but cringe when you said that you try so hard to make her normal. What is normal anyhow?? What is normal to one may be the polar opposite to another. Beth’s standard of normal should be happy and accepted, most of all by her family and those that love her.
    People may be slow to warm up to her, they will probably be the type that will never leave her side. Those are the sometimes only few, that you should want to surround her.
    I kind of stumbled upon your blog as I have just been feeling as though I am at war with the world. I can be hard to like and harder to love. Even though I don’t share any of Beth’s clinical challenges, I feel that I am sometimes prematurely judged. However, for the very few that know me and I have allowed into to my closed off circle, they would take the world on for me. They ‘show up’ when I need them. They love me for my quirkiness, head strong, assertive (not always accepted in a woman), and sometime emotional roller coaster rides. They know that I would take on the world and fall on my sword for them. Really, they aren’t even friends, they are my family.
    Beth may just surprise you and turn out to be a lion. A lion never lose sleep over the opinions of sheep!!

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